Don't Feed the Fear: Food Allergy Anxiety & Trauma
Welcome to "Don't Feed the Fear," where licensed psychologist Dr. Amanda Whitehouse offers expert guidance on managing the social and emotional challenges of food allergies and related conditions. Tune in for compassionate advice, practical strategies, and inspiring stories to help you navigate anxiety and trauma with confidence and resilience.
For more info on resources from Dr. Whitehouse, go to www.thefoodallergypsychologist.com
Theme song: The Doghouse by Kyle Dine, www.kyledine.com
Used with permission from the artist
Don't Feed the Fear: Food Allergy Anxiety & Trauma
From Home to the Hallways: Sarah Hornung's Journey from Allergy Mom to School Administrator
In this episode, Dr. Whitehouse talks with Sarah Hornung, a food allergy mom and dedicated school administrator who shares how her personal journey with food allergies has shaped her professional mission. Together, we explore how to create school environments that go beyond safety measures, addressing the emotional well-being of children navigating the challenges of food allergies. Kids with food allergies don’t just deserve to BE safe, they also deserve to FEEL safe.
Sarah opens up about the thought processes and confessions many of us food allergy parents will understand, offering heartfelt insights into the fears, frustrations, and hopes that come with the territory. We also explore how she utilized all of this to develop policies and practices that incorporate the emotional wellbeing and integration of kids with food allergies into school communities.
Whether you're a parent, educator, or advocate, this conversation highlights the power of empathy and informed action in making schools safer and more supportive for all students.
Find Sarah Hornung @TheEagerTeacher and www.theeagerteacher.com
Special thanks to Kyle Dine for permission to use his song The Doghouse for the podcast theme
www.kyledine.com
You can find Dr. Whitehouse at thefoodallergypsychologist.com and on Instagram (@thefoodallergypsychologist) and Facebook (Dr. Amanda Whitehouse, Food Allergy Anxiety Psychologist)
Email: welcome@dramandawhitehouse.com
For a long time, I felt like I had to keep my personal business out of the work that I do for kids at work. And then when I recognized that I could be a bridge of understanding for people, that that was where, you know, I tried to make my impact. And, by telling my story a little bit, and then how, for a long time, I kept it out of my work, and then realizing that that could be something that could actually build understanding with teachers and and with other families, there's so much gray area with allergies, that it really does affect a child's entire world, and that schools and education have to be aware of all of the, you know, you might not think that things have anything to do with allergies, allergies, but here's what it. I think mission Our district and my mission as a mom has been to just increase the awareness and sensitivity to the experiences of families with food allergies, that it's more about building an understanding than it is about changing the rules or the regulations or the guidelines, it's my role to try to build an understanding with the people who work here, go to school here, and implement the policies. There's not a perfect or right way for a family to navigate allergies. There's not a perfect and right way for a school to navigate allergies because it can be a very personal and specific experience for people.
Speaker:Welcome to the Don't Feed the Fear podcast, where we dive into the complex world of food allergy anxiety. I'm your host, Dr. Amanda Whitehouse, food allergy anxiety psychologist and food allergy mom. Whether you're dealing with allergies yourself or supporting someone who is, join us for an empathetic and informative journey toward food allergy calm and confidence.
I can't wait to introduce you to today's guest. Sarah Horning is one of my favorite people to talk to about food allergies. She's an amazing mom of three great kids, all of whom have food allergies and have completed the OIT process as a family. She started her career as a teacher, and while she was looking for full time employment, she started her blog, The Eager Teacher, talking about her parenting food prepping hacks and organizational skills, which went viral and landed her on Good Morning America. And she's worked her way up since in her career. to become an administrator in a school district here in Western New York. Currently, Sarah is working as the assistant superintendent for curriculum, innovation, and pupil services. She's been bringing her knowledge and expertise into that role to build a bridge between the food allergy parents and community and the administrators in the district in which she works. She brings a wealth of her own knowledge and experience into that conversation in a way that I know and have personally seen is really impacting the allergy community here where we live and has made parents and kids feel heard and respected. She's also helping teachers and employees in the school district to develop a new perspective and understanding of what kids with food allergies really need in their schools and how to make that happen.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Sarah, thank you so much for joining us here today on Don't Feed the Fear. I've been so excited to talk to you your unique role that you have in terms of balancing allergy awareness and advocacy and management in both your home and personal life and your work life. So I'm so excited to chat.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:I'm very excited to be here. Thank you for having me.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Of course. Do you want to start just by telling us a little bit about your wonderful family and how you ended up a part of this allergy community?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:So something that's a little bit unique about me is that I have three children and all three of them have food allergies. So when my oldest was a baby and we first found out that he had an allergy, it felt quite manageable because he was the only one in our family who had an allergy and, I'll never forget kind of learning that I didn't even have Benadryl in the house he had his first reaction, it wasn't something that I had a ton of information about, it wasn't something that I felt I was prepared to handle at the time. he had his first reaction after I pretty much forced him to eat egg whites because everyone said it's a great first food for kids because it's soft and they, it's a good source of protein. And, lo and behold, he was allergic and had a really severe reaction that day. And that was really when I, I think I entered the club of being an allergy mom and an allergy parent. it wasn't until my second child was born that then I really felt like I belonged to the club because he was also born with an allergy to egg and then my third child came along she threw us for a loop because she was also allergic to peanut. So here I was starting to feel like I can handle as long as they're all allergic to egg. one food, I can manage that, and then when we started to learn about her peanut allergy it started to feel really unmanageable and, I don't know how much of my, my story of kind of where, how I evolved into really feeling like this was a message that I needed to make sure I talked about openly and to try to remove some of the stigma from is, I had what I would call sort of that. sliding door moment that is talked about sometimes, where you have the before and then the after. And we had been living with all three kids with food allergies several years. we had a next door neighbor who was incredibly sensitive to our needs. And we went there for a party one night. I want to say my, my oldest was probably six at the time. So they were probably six, four, and two. our very kind neighbors, they had done everything that they could to keep us safe. They always were willing to make separate food, and they were always willing to save the packages. And they understood some of the things that you have to do to make a family with allergies. Not only safe, but also just feel safe. Some of those subtle things that they had really started to understand. And so they were having this, Christmas party. Or I think it was a friend's giving party. It was in the winter, we went to their house, and, they had saved every box of pasta, and they had set aside a separate table, and they had labeled everything. And we got there, and my son still refused to eat anything. And I was embarrassed, because they had went to such great lengths to accommodate us, and I was so embarrassed that he wouldn't eat. And part of me was frustrated. I wanted to force him to eat. I wanted to say like, you be polite, they went to all this trouble to make you comfortable and safe. and what I really did was I said to my husband, I gotta go. I gotta go back next door. There are next door neighbors. I went home and I FaceTimed my mom and I just cried and I just said, I cannot live like this. This cannot be how we always operate, where this is the only thing that I ever think about, it's the only thing that I ever talk about, and it's also the only thing that people see about our family. And from that forward, I decided we had to change kind of how we were operating as an allergy family, and the decision was either we go nowhere, we stop going to parties, we stop in things where people are going to do what we're these kind gestures for us that will never be enough. or I work on changing our, our path forward. And so, I also was heartbroken for my son that he would be in a situation where someone would do everything in the world for him and it still would never be enough to make him feel safe. so that's kind of where our story changed, and we started to look for a new allergist. We started to, I started to do research and what I found was there was a community out there of people who were experiencing the same thing as me. And I didn't have to feel so alone. I mean, I left that party and went home and cried to my mom because I just felt completely isolated from and feeling like, no one will ever understand. and so in my work of getting out there, I realized that the power of community when you're going through this is one of the most powerful things and truly can change the experience of families and kids.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:There are so many pieces of that, that, I think are really important and so well said, but the first one that I want to point out is the distinction that you made between being safe and feeling safe and how important it is to recognize that those are not always the same thing. especially when we're the parents trying to keep our kids safe, we focus on the details of which food and which label and whose house. And, in your case, obviously that was all done to a tee. With the best of intentions, but we kind of. forget that it's not always enough to make the kids or us as parents feel safe. It's just such a different experience in the body than it is in the brain, knowing all that the, all the check marks have been checked.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:think that's where I, I have said to my children before that them feeling safe a lot of times is an inside job. It is something that they have to get comfortable owning and talking about. And they, you know, I think the first time my son ever had to have his EpiPen, we, we made a mistake. Mom made a mistake. And, We, you know, realized it immediately when he started to have a reaction, he was eating a Wegmans sub and it had an egg wash on it. And I want to say he was, I think he was four years old when that happened. And afterward he stopped wanting to eat anything. He even trusted foods, things like fruits and vegetables that would have not a chance of having any egg in it. He stopped wanting to eat those. And it was that feeling of. for me and for my husband and our family of knowing we know it's safe and trying to tell someone that they just have to believe us is really hard what we finally were able to understand after a lot of work together with him to get him past that that incident and that trauma was understanding that he thought if mom can make a mistake who is the only person in this world I'm supposed to trust right and how could I ever trust anyone else. And so it has taken a, it has taken many years of being able to be okay knowing that even if people make mistakes, that's also what our EpiPens are for. some of the conversations that we've had to have too is even people who don't know that they make mistakes, right? A restaurant or cross contamination, there's all of these variables for children with food allergies who you have to just say, that is why we have this incredible tool. of an EpiPen. That is why this life saving device, this is why we, we can't control everybody else, but we can control that we keep our EpiPen with us. So that when something like that happens, we know that we have this wonderful thing. And that was also a mindset shift for our family. always had sort of that scary, oh my gosh, what if we ever have to use the Epi? And I'm not proud to admit, but I want to say we've had four or five, I, kind of amazing that I've lost count. Four or five EpiPen injections in our house. since over the last nine years.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:I think it's powerful for you to admit that, that there's really complicated feelings around that, and I just want to validate for you, for everybody listening, you know, this, almost all of us listening, you know, Have had moments like that, too, where we've had to use up enough and several times in my house in the past year, if that makes you feel any better. And it's it is powerful. Obviously, it's a horrible and scary experience, but it really does make the shift that you're talking about in terms of. We're all human. We're going to make mistakes, but the trust should be in the medication that we know is the number one thing that will save us and to develop the trust in the medicine and get over that fear and that hesitation of, is it going to hurt? And do I have to then go to the hospital? Will there be an ambulance? You know, all those fears that, that lead to the hesitation kind of fade away when we are in that emergency moment and we use it, we develop confidence and then we Especially our kids feel immediately how it helps their bodies, how much better they feel once they get their medicine.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:something when my middle child had to have his EpiPen twice in one summer, for two different reasons. And the second time around, I had sort of these lessons learned from the first time where the first time stress that I projected in the moment, I think really made the situation a lot worse. And the second time it happened, As soon as I gave him his EpiPen, I said to him afterward, Can you tell me if you're starting to feel better yet? And then we talked every day after that about, Do you remember as soon as you got your EpiPen, how much better you felt? and I would say that in front of my other children who were there because I wanted them to hear that it wasn't a scary thing for their sibling. It was a relieving thing. And that's something that, if I could tell every allergy parent who has never had to use their EpiPen that it is, your reaction and the way you behave, you're terrified. if you can just stay as calm as possible and talk about the positivity of, you know, I'm going to do this and it's going to make you feel better. and it really is. It's like in 10 seconds you can kind of see their body melting the, the reaction away. And, but I think that's something that I, I had to unfortunately learn the hard way because I think I projected my own stress and anxiety on my children as they were going through it the first time.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:That's just so natural in all of us because what's more, triggering to our bodies in terms of, recognizing that it's an emergency than our kids having that, that severe of a reaction. and obviously that's not the fault or, or doing of the parents. Sometimes it's just the nature of each kid's different bodies and allergens. But, we just, we kind of developed that muscle and I, I similarly, the way you're describing it, we talk in our house, about, I will do anything it takes to keep you safe. even if it's hard for me to do, even if it feels scary. And, and then my son, he's had to administer his own epinephrine since then. And we'll say the same thing. I can do what it takes to keep myself safe, even if it's scary, even if it pokes a little bit. And that's a big mindset shift.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:we've changed some of even our just like organization in our house around our EpiPens because I used to kind of keep them in this space. special cabinet and I'll never forget the, I was cleaning them out one time, cleaning out expired ones and my son saw one and immediately went into like, Oh my God, why do you have an EpiPen out? And so now we keep them in a very visible location. Just yesterday, my parents were over for dinner and my mom saw two EpiPens right on our kitchen counter. And she said, Oh, where did these come from? I said, Oh, I think they were just, we just took them out of the backpack that we brought today to the zoo or whatever it was. Just having them not be a scary thing to see anymore and taking away some of that reaction that can happen And the other part is having the kids grab the EpiPen when we leave, you know Can you make sure you grab the EpiPens that they're holding them? They're touching them I know a lot of people do this But something that has also helped our family is with the expired ones using them, injecting them into apples and oranges. And, we just did this in our neighborhood where I asked some of our neighbors and the kids that play with my kids, you're old enough now that you could help in an emergency. and just having the kids touch them and not have it be this scary and knowing that this is a powerful tool that can, can help you and save your friend and, so it's just those small shifts where I think originally when I started the journey of being a food allergy parent, it was like, oh my gosh, it's this really, know, daunting and scary thing and it's not. And I, now that I, you know, we're having this conversation, your podcast's name, Don't Feed the Fear, I think that's, it, that sums it up. That's how I felt. I had so much fear and I projected it onto my kids and now we've kind of spent. I would say we've spent the last three years undoing all of that and it has paid off in just the most incredible ways.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:I'm so glad you have found your way through that because I think it's natural to end up there the way that things unfold. you were talking about the shame of. and the complicated feelings of having to administer. But I was thinking of the opposite of that. I have more shame about the times when looking back, I should have EPI, but we didn't because of all the things that you're describing. And of course you can only. use, the knowledge that you have at the time and when you know better, you do better. But I, I just thought I'd throw that in there that actually, none of us should feel shame for any of it, but it's almost harder for me to look back on those and think, Oh my gosh, what could have happened? Because I know now I should have given it. And I didn't because of all those fears.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:will say we had a, an incident, one of my son's most traumatic incidents was tied to the fact that he had to go to the hospital after. And very early on when we got the script for the EpiPen and we were learning what to do in the event of an emergency, there was always that mentality that. You administer the EpiPen and then you call 9 1 1. And for us, when the first responders came, we went in an ambulance and we went to the hospital. And then we stayed there for seven hours. we weren't seen and we waited in the waiting room and then by the time we finally got into a room to be seen by a doctor, entire, reaction had been over. The, the possibility of the rebound reaction, all of these different things had subsided. And that whole experience was the most traumatic part was having to go to the hospital and having to be in the ambulance what we learned because during the pandemic, we had an incident where we had to give the EpiPen and when 911 came or, when the paramedics came, they advised us to not go to the hospital because we were trying to avoid being in hospitals as much as possible. recognized that he was. It's stable enough and safe and that, basically they said, if something changes, call us again, but it's safer for you to stay home right now. And we can tell that you have all of the resources and tools and you know what to look for. And after that time, I realized have the power to also be able to decline to go to the hospital. And I'm not advocating on your podcast for people to decline medical, medical support and help. I recognize one of the reasons that I would hesitate to give it. Was because I was more worried about having to call 911 also sometimes it's like 10 o'clock at night and you don't want the ambulances coming down your street because then you're going to wake up every person in your neighborhood and everyone's going to wonder what's going on. And so there's,
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Yeah. Or like in our house, there's, it always happens when only one parent is home. And then there's like this scramble and my brain has always operated like that. If I have to call the ambulance, if I'm alone with the kids, what will I do with the other kids? that's a real barrier sometimes. that's powerful.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:at a time when you're like, gosh, you know, tomorrow at work I have this, this huge thing and if I spend the whole night in the hospital, I'm probably going to have to. And it's these. Those are the silent burdens that we carry that, you know, we don't even ever say out loud. I even remember one time thinking, Oh my gosh, our house is so trashed right now. And I'm like, I'm in my pajamas.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Yes,
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:in 90 seconds, every volunteer firefighter in our town is about to walk through our house. Those are the things that, which are, it's kind of funny to admit, but it's real. Oh, Yeah,
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:a small community, you know, all of those, it's not some stranger, like the first ENT who arrives at our house, we pass his house all the time, we wave at him, I know him. So, yeah, it's. It's, it's a small
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:town. It's great.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Yeah. Well,
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:of shame to that is c sort of feeling like you I, I think about that all some point, are they gonn can't this, this, this be get her act together, like why does she keep feeding her kids the things they're allergic to, which for the record, isn't why we've called every time. Sometimes it was the discovery of a new allergy that we didn't know until they ate the food, but it is, it's all of those things where we care so much about, the burden that our allergy is going to cause on people that we in many ways, like suffer silently. And I think that goes back to the idea of having a community and knowing that there are other people who have experienced the same thing that you're experiencing. Yeah,
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:and so you said that was really a shifting point for you was finding community. So do you want to share how that unfolded for you?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:when you want to give an answer. To find an allergist who's going to, be more supportive. Our family did oral immunotherapy. I don't know how often that is talked about on your podcast, but we are an OIT family.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Yes, openly. we are too. So yes, share anything that you want to about that, please. Yes. Mm hmm.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:and, um, in this, you know, in Western New York, that was not always a convenient decision for families. Families like yours and others had to travel to different states to find a doctor who would do that. Yeah. and so I had reached out to a person who I knew who had participated in that and had some suggestions. And when I did, she said, you know, there are a lot of really good Facebook groups out there that you can join and you can, be part of and it will just, you know, there's a lot of good recommendations. This was also probably in 2021, 2022 that, that I was in. of changing our trajectory, I guess, and there wasn't the opportunity to do like in person groups anymore. I had heard that there was an in person allergy group in our community and truly that was like this mind blowing realization to me. I thought, wow, I never thought that there would be other people, you kind of think you're on an island. Like, I always felt, and having been a teacher for many years, I had maybe one or two kids with allergies when I was the allergy class. And so I think the statistics have changed, the prevalence has changed, and that didn't realize how many other families would have been able to relate to my experience. So when we switched allergists and we started to go down the path of OIT, went on Facebook and I searched for allergy groups and OIT groups, and I found some. really amazing community groups, not necessarily local, but some from all across the country, and there were, there were three groups in particular. There was one for people who wanted to learn more about OIT, there was one for people who were in the middle of it, and then there was one for graduates. then I also had found one for That was just called like food allergy moms or food allergy parents. And as I started reading through comments and I mean, I think like anything on Facebook You have to also filter what you read a little bit And and if you are prone to stress and anxiety you have to know Some of the things that you should engage in and shouldn't. I will say that as a trigger warning to anyone that you some people are sharing a lot of really detailed trauma on there and, and in some cases can create and introduce new fears. for me, it was really empowering to see that there were a lot of people out there who were kind of going through the same things I was going through. and, and as I started to do that, realized I have to start talking about this. I have to start sharing my story and talking openly about it because of the power of being able to read about other people. So in my community, you know, I started to talk openly at PTO meetings. I started to talk openly with my children's teachers, and then I really started to bring that work into, into my current role in my job in school districts, realizing that this is a really big part of my life and my identity. And I have the power to be able to use that in my own experience to other families feel seen, heard, and valued. And, so it's been a journey and it's been one that has been really rewarding because, to be able to hear other people's stories, I think, is sometimes the most powerful way for us to build understanding.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:And so your job title, you're the Assistant Superintendent for Curriculum, Innovation, I wrote it down, and Pupil Services. Did I get it right?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:good.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:I always just say Assistant Superintendent in my mind, but for those of us who don't fully understand what that role involves in a school district, can you explain a little bit more?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:I am responsible on paper for selecting and managing and implementing all of the standards and curriculum for every subject and content area that's taught in our school district pre K through 12. So we're a pre K through 12 district. we have just over 5, 000 students and, I work very closely with teachers. I work very closely with administrators, but then I also work really closely with parents. And. One of the parts of my role as the Pupil Services, so a lot of times people don't know what the Pupil Services part of my role is, it's really supporting a lot of the different areas of K 12 education that, are social emotional learning. I, oversee all of our school counselors, all of our school social workers, and so in my role in that area, I often work with families and friends. staff members who are supporting some of these more peripheral needs that families have. yes, our main job is to educate students and children, but we can't educate kids if they are not coming to school ready to learn. And when, when I started in this role, coincidentally, my superintendent had been working with some families with children with food allergies in our community. And, I, you know, initially my hesitation was, It's kind of feeling like This is a personal thing for me, and I try to keep personal and business separate, right? Like, I try to have, this is my work, work, and this is my homework. And I
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Right.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:work in the same community, which is a benefit in many ways. I can just be mom when I go home and work, and I can be, I can have my own journey in my own home district without having it be the same thing that I'm doing at work. But I remember going to my superintendent and saying, I know you're doing some work with students. and families with food allergies. You know my story. He's very supportive and understands, especially when I was going through OIT, the amount of support that I had from my boss of just understanding that this is a really big time commitment for my family. I'm always on, right? I'm always for a phone call from a, an appointment or a doctor or a school. but anyway, I, I went to him and I said, I really would love to meet with the families that you've been talking with. I think that I can be a bridge of understanding, for families who are reaching out and saying that they want to make sure that their children have the same experience in school, regardless of whether they have allergies or not. And I think some of that is also just understanding how different the families are. world is now, I referenced being a teacher and having one or two kids with allergies in my class years ago. That was the reality. You really had a couple students with allergies and the goal was to just avoid. You know, we're a peanut, free room, we just avoid. and I think that that has changed and evolved a lot because of things like OIT. But I also think just because it's more prevalent now, knowing that in any classroom there's four or five kids who have a food allergy, it's everyone's responsibility to have compassion and understanding and be inclusive. it's also our responsibility to help non allergy students understand what their peers are going through. So a lot of that work with our school counselors and social workers is also having them be able to. facilitate and foster a conversation between two students. bullying in schools for students with food allergies is a, is a real issue. It's happened to my children. It's happened to many people's children. I'm sure any one of your listeners who has a child with a food allergy probably has a story of whether it was overt and it was clear what was happening or whether it was subtle. I am embarrassed to admit that if before I had kids, I probably have always believed that that happens. I wouldn't have believed that a kid would be capable of saying, well, I'm going to just smear peanut butter on you. And, unfortunately I can say as a parent, but also as a, an assistant superintendent, those things happen. And, so it's become my mission to really try to build and foster a more inclusive environment for kids with food allergies in our district.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:I know so many people are so excited to have you and we already had Amy Burkett on the show and she shared openly that she was, one of the parents in this group who was, who was seeking help from the district. And it was like this divine timing that you were hired and look who we have on our side now. Would you talk about what, and I know it's just for one specific district, every location is unique, but. How did you navigate it with that team and then in your position to start moving things in the direction that you wanted them to go?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:On a very small scale, the first thing is really just bringing people together, just saying, I want to sit down and listen. I want to sit down and listen to your heartbreaking stories or your positive stories. I want to hear everything and all of the experiences that you've had. and I think that on the heels of the pandemic, public schools had to go through so much that I think their, and families had to go through so much that it has been over the last, I would say, year and a half, two years, this, you know, trying to bring people back to focusing on what matters most, and that's keeping kids learning, safe, healthy, and happy in schools. And so just being able to sort of say, let's refocus our energy on something like this. So meeting with groups of parents, um, hearing what they had to say. And then it's also just being able to, uh, teachers, help administrators, help everyone in the community understand the stories and how some of the things that we say and do, that are very well meaning often have different impacts. So I, I always like to say our intent is sometimes different than our impact. one of the areas that we've changed in the last year when we revised our wellness policy, which some of the wellness policy addresses some of our policies around, students with food allergies and making sure that they are in an inclusive environment, we use the phrase exclude the food, not the child. And the example that I think is really telling for people where they kind of have that light bulb go on, where they say, well I've always been great about keeping kids safe. I've always kept. This area sanitized. I've always kept the food separate. I've always, you know, communicated with families. We often, and I, my, my own children have been of this. We will say, here's the party, here's the thing we're serving, and then here's your safe snack. what we've just done, in a very well meaning, nobody ever means to do harm. I think that's really important to just state, is nobody is ever planning a party thinking, how can I exclude someone today? Bye.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Right.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:Um, they are trying to keep kids safe, but what they, by serving that safe snack or by giving that child their one thing or letting them pick the piece of candy out of their cubby that their parent has sent in, that child,
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Instead of the delicious looking cupcakes that everyone else is eating.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:that child then in turn is still excluded. And so yes, they're safe, but they're excluded. They are experiencing something different. It's kind of slapping that label on them that you're the allergy kid, so you have to pick from this bin. And the first time I ever heard this analogy, it was a, a light bulb went on for me. That if I had a bunch of kids playing at my house one day, and they all said, Can we have popsicles? And I open up my freezer, and there's six kids over, and I only have five popsicles. And I say, Sure, you guys can have popsicles. The five of you can have popsicles, but you point to this one kid, I'm sorry, I'm all out of popsicles, but I have some goldfish you can have instead. Any parent who's ever managed a playdate knows how that would go. It would not be, you know, that kid would sort of just be defeated. They would be sad. and it really wouldn't be, it wouldn't be that fairness and that, feeling of belonging. this group of friends,
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Exactly. Because even if goldfish, I don't think for most kids would compare to a popsicle, but even if it really feels like as exciting and delicious of a treat, if everyone else is having something and having this shared experience of like popsicle day on the hot sun after we've been running, they're missing the experience and the connection, not just the item that was given. I think that's important to keep in mind.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:is. And that's where that exclude the food, not the child mentality comes into play. And it's been really incredible work to see. This goes back to nobody ever wants to do the wrong thing. People are always looking for guidance and support on how to do the right thing. When we started this work, At the beginning of last year, and I started communicating with teachers and staff, I started going to faculty meetings in our buildings, which happen for those who are not part of a school community. A faculty meeting happens once a month, and it's every teacher and staff member in the building who meets with the, you know, all together, they'll meet in the library and they go over any kind of critical updates and learning and information. And so I kind of took my show on the road, and I went to each school. And I shared real data about the number of students in our school who have food allergies. And, um, you know, I think people love knowing real information. That's a big part of it, is it's one thing to say, We need to be better at this, or we need to be more inclusive. But when you can show, you know, when I can run a report, because I can, I have the ability to see all of the different foods that are, that we have allergies to. It quickly changes the message that somehow being peanut free has become this, gold standard of, like, It's okay, we're peanut free, right? this is a school, it drives me nuts when I see the packages in this grocery store that say,
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Right.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:those Lofthouse cookies?
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Yeah. And they say school safe, right?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:School, they're not school safe for my
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Cause there's no nuts, right? It depends on your kid. Or when something says allergen free, well, unless there's nothing in it, it's not allergen free because people can be allergic to anything. Right.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:took my show on the road, I would say these are the different foods that we have allergies to right now in our district, lentils, strawberries, you know, beeswax, like things that people wouldn't really ever assume, our school nurses know, they know all of the, but the rest of the teachers and staff don't. And then I also shared about just the prevalence and the number of allergies that we have now. I think that that sharing that information was very eye opening. And then we also surveyed all of our teachers to ask what their experience with food in the classroom has been and what their suggestions were. Because a lot of the work that was done was also done because teachers came forward and said, I want to be better at this. I want to figure out a way to have a class party that doesn't exclude Students or can we have a district safe snack list again, like we did years ago before the pandemic. And can we have some type of resource available so that we're not burdening families with food allergies every time we want to plan an event. And, you know, something that I always encourage staff because you're never going to be able to have a party or an event or any type of communication that will include everyone there. Like I said, there will always be someone who says, well, You know, again, like you said, unless you have no food, there's never a safe food for everyone. but communication and having that open communication with families is such a critical part of it. and I'll give you an example. Last year, after presenting to our, we have a central council PTO. So it's, we have six school buildings in our district the PTO presidents and co presidents from all of the schools get together. A few times a year and meet just to ensure that they're all kind of aligned with the work of the PTOs, regardless of what school they work in. And after meeting with them, I try to bring my own children to events here in our district when I can. I noticed immediately that the PTOs started sending, when they would send home, send out an advertisement for, The, around the world event where they were doing, this multicultural event where they were bringing together different restaurants in the community and having them, do samples of their food and honoring a lot of the different, cultures that exist in our district. They had a question on the RSVP asking, do you have allergies? And if so, how many children will you be bringing who have allergies? again, that was a little bit of the excluding the child because it was having that separate safe thing, but it was a an event intended to honor restaurants. Like we weren't going to say you can't bring it,
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:events.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:the year before, I don't know that there would have even been any consideration and truly a family with food allergies would have never come to that event because they would have known and their kids go home and say, Can we go home tonight? They keep talking about it on the morning announcements, and either wouldn't have gone, or they would have packed their own food. So that excitement for kids to get there, and my kids did. We got there, and there was safe table, and they had these prepackaged goodies that were all in a bag. And then similarly, about a month after that, there was a reading night, where it was going to be hot cocoa and cookies, and it was this really sweet theme. It And the PTO at that school also had asked for information about whether there were kids with allergies. So, it's, if it doesn't create a perfect environment, it makes those families feel like they belong. And it makes people feel like, I don't have to raise my hand and say, Hey, don't forget about me. I think that's been a really big is just knowing that someone's already thinking about you. And that kind of helps with that. mental burden that, that invisible load that we carry as allergy
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Yes that's what makes us feel safe not just that we are safe, right? When someone reaches out to us and offers, those are the most powerful moments for me, not where I had to raise my hand or speak up or ask the question. Well, what are you serving? Should I bring a safe alternative for my child? But When other parents have said to me, we're doing this. What do we need to do to make it work for your family? It's so powerful. Even if then we do end up having an alternative choice or whatever it might be, that action of reaching out and connecting and then trying to make us safe makes us feel safer than me having to say, Oh, we're over here. We're coming in. Here's our situation.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:and I think a lot of it is also just rethinking food is at the center of every celebration in our, in our world and in our society and in our culture. And I personally hope that that continues because who doesn't love like right, I love to cook and I love that food is the center of center of most of our events and connections with people. It's such an important part. But it's also made us question, do we need food at this event? Or does food have to be the center of everything? And an example of that I think for schools is birthday celebrations. I think that's a really important area that is manageable and easy for schools to tackle. Because it can be quite black and white. It doesn't have to be, right, like coming together and having like a Polar Express day. Kids do want to have hot cocoa, right? Like that, that's the kind of thing where I can understand the rationale for that and not wanting to change. but there's so many ways that schools can celebrate birthdays that doesn't include food. And realistically, as a mom of three elementary school students, I love the idea that I wouldn't have to be responsible for sending something in. You know, the burden of being like, Oh my gosh, what are we going to bring in? and I have a funny story about that, that will probably make other allergy families Last year, I want to say, maybe it was two school years ago, I'm terrible about reading every paper that comes home in September, right? it's overload, I work in a school, so it's my busy time of the year. And then having three kids in school, things just come home and I try my best to stay on top of it, but sometimes, I'm human, I make mistakes. And at the end of the school year, my son's birthday is in April, night before his birthday, I said, what do you want to bring for your party treat tomorrow? My child's, my children's school does not adhere to no party treats, but they will communicate if there's an allergy. So I went to the store, I went, I was so proud of myself because I went at like after school that day so that I would be ready and wouldn't be running out to the store at 10 o'clock at night like I sometimes am. And I got ice cream sandwiches for his class. And I knew that he was the only kid in the class with an allergy. So I was feeling like if this is safe for him, it's safe for everyone. And the next morning, he brought all of the ice cream sandwiches to school. And I got a message from his teacher saying, I'm so sorry, I need to send these home. We don't allow food treats for parties this year due to food allergies. And my kid was the only kid in the class with allergies. But It was like this moment where I'm like, Oh my gosh, I'm breaking the rule that is being enforced for my child. I was like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I'll take those back and I'll bring something else that's not food. And I guess I missed a memo that she had made the decision that my son could be included in everything. She had made the decision and she didn't want him to then be a hypocrite, which I also appreciated, right? Like, she could have just said, well,
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:The rule was for you, you can break it, right?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:be consistent, which I really appreciated. But man, was I embarrassed that I was the only parent who didn't follow the rule and the rule was intended to keep my child safe, but that's the human side of all of us.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:That's great. Well, it worked either way, it was an effective rule, right? So. That's great. So you talked about being this bridge between the two different sides. So what can you share about, other parts of what you're bringing in from your own family's experiences and your kids' experiences that you really want people in the schools and specifically in your district to understand?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:One of the things that has for me personally, then an area where I've tried to share as much as I can is our experience with OIT, because I think for teachers, especially teachers who have been teaching for a long time, very hard to understand. that there can be gray area now with allergies. Like I mentioned, when I was a teacher, it was very black and white. You either were allergic or you weren't. You sat at the allergy table or you didn't. Kids have never sat at the allergy table, even before we did OIT, because I wanted them to be included as much as possible, and I felt that they were able to advocate enough for themselves to, to be able to be safe at the regular table. And that's a personal decision that every family has to make. But for, for families, especially with OIT, one of the areas that changed for our family, and I've shared a lot of this with our teachers, is my kids buy lunch every day in the cafeteria. And that was kind of this mind blowing thing for a lot of people because you've never been able to have the allergens from the cafeteria food listed, right? We've never known that information. We've never been able to access that. And it's really getting people to know. It might take you a little bit of time to find that information. You might have to spend a little extra time with a student reviewing the lunch menu that day. Maybe going down to the nurse and talking to the nurse and consulting with the nurse about it. But that's been something I'm very passionate about because my oldest son, that was like this life changing part of childhood for him. He had this, and the school lunches in all schools are pretty gross. So I don't, I'm not totally bashing school lunches, but like, I would personally
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:They're not, yeah,
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:Um, he just had this, it's something about the independence of like going through the lunch line and getting to pick out what I want and, you know, getting to carry the tray and the whole thing. So the
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:yeah. The control and the grownup, like the maturity that, that feels like that brings.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:when he wanted to start buying lunch, that was something that I had to navigate with his school. And so here in my district, recognizing that if we have the information, we can make decisions and make informed decisions and families can make that decision for themselves. when I recognized that, I work in a school, so I know how to get that information. I have the resources and I've got like kind of the backdoor knowledge of knowing, all right, I know how the school district works, so I know exactly who I need to email and say, hey, do you have allergens for this or can you tell me if the pizza contains egg? And then I recognize like that puts me and my family at an advantage because I know the system. And so how can I use that knowledge? and try to make it more equitable so that all families have access to that resource. So that has been one of the projects that I took on last year was wanting to make sure that all of the allergens for all of the food that was served in our cafeterias was accessible. And it started small with just working with our food service company. them to save all of the labels of everything that they were providing. but that was very laborious and it was very hard for a family to navigate, right? You'd have to know that it was these roles and this, this ham and all of that. And
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Sure
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:what I did was I reached out to, our food service in Western New York is usually managed by only a few companies. So, the company that we use here in our district is similar to that. That of other, is the same as other districts. And so we brought together, families and food service directors from, last year it was three districts, three neighboring districts and said, this district is doing it and this district is wanting it, we can work collaboratively to make this happen. And so we did. They were very cooperative. They were very supportive created an allergen list for us for all of the current menu items that were being served in the three school districts. And then this year, what we did. Was we took it one step further in their software now where you can have your actual lunch menu be interactive So if you click on pizza It will tell you the allergens that it contains what I learned in doing this number one is that it's a ton of work Not
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:sounds like it.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:came from the food service company who had to go item by item and enter all of it I also learned that there were other non allergy Children who benefit. So we have some students with diabetes who came forward and said, this is great. I've never been able to track my insulin at school. If I wanted to buy a lunch, I was always just kind of estimating. We had one diabetic family come forward and say, if you had that information accessible, my son, who's never been able to buy a school lunch because of insulin, able to buy a school lunch now. then this year we also had, some of our teachers. suggest to me, can we also have whether the items that are being served today contain pork? Because we have many Muslim children who can't eat pork, and you may not realize how many different food items contain pork. Rice Krispie treats, because of pork gelatin, contain pork, so
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Mm
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:you know, those little things that I had blind spots to, that this work has helped me uncover, is it's not just about being inclusive of children with allergies or intolerances. It's also children who have other different dietary needs and restrictions either due to religious needs or just different medical conditions that weren't on my radar. So it's been a really, exciting change for us and something that I hope, even to me, even if only five Utilize that feature in a district of 5, 000 kids. I think it's worth it because I see every single kid in our district as that's someone's baby. That's, that's my baby. And I've seen the
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:mm-Hmm.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:being able to like see that through his eyes, that I want to be able to give that opportunity to every kid.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:I love that. It seems like there's so much potential with the realization that there's these companies that are serving multiple school districts to share their process for doing that and, and for that to be a more widespread thing if it's not already happening in more places.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:definitely is. And I think, some of that was also me researching other states and other school districts. that's the power of the internet, right? You can go online and I googled. School district allergen menu and I started looking at other states and other districts and places that were already incorporating that and getting ideas and inspiration for how we could make it happen here and realizing it's it felt Overwhelming and it felt like you know and sometimes it was like you had to I had to push a couple people like I know This is gonna be a lot of work But here's why it matters and going back to your question about how do I use my own story to help? Move the work forward is, I've shared with everyone in this district the story of how my son has befriended the cafeteria in his school, And, I wrote a letter to our board of Education where I live to praise the cafeteria employee who built a connection with him, became a trusted adult for him, and truly just made his entire elementary school life a success. And I think, I, I have friends and, and acquaintances who have had the total opposite experience in a school cafeteria. And it is amazing that a child's cafeteria experience can be the thing that overshadows the, the rest of their day and all of their social interactions and, and unfortunately some of that fear and anxiety. Yeah.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:who. Their cafeteria or lunch experience really makes or breaks their day. And I don't just mean their mood. I mean, their academic progress, because are they anticipating and feeling nervous all day about how it's going to go? Are they hungry because they didn't eat because they're scared to eat at school? And then for the rest of the day, are they only thinking about, am I going to have a reaction from that, or I'm so hungry or whatever it might be? It really shapes their day. It's the day of a student in school, not to mention how important lunch is to socializing, right? If you feel comfortable and if, or if you feel set apart or, or different, or it's, it's really key to the experience, yeah,
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:small ways that adults can have an impact on the lives of children with food allergies in school. And I have a few examples of some situations that were made It just totally changed the experience that my children had. the first, having three kids in the same building with food allergies, they're all siblings, and my oldest son is the guardian of the other two, right? He's always thinking about them and worrying about them. last year, one day, there was a new school lunch item that the kids wanted to buy that day. when he went through the school line, he was like, asked the, employee working at this, in the lunch line if the item contained egg. And she said it did, so he didn't get it. And when he went to pay, he said, Can you just make sure that my sister doesn't buy this? Because she's also allergic to egg. Well, what he didn't realize was his sister had already had lunch an hour before. so, the, staff member said, well, she already had lunch, and so he walked away and then, you know, went back to his table and was just worried sick, wondering if she was okay, wondering if she had had that thing for lunch. So when his teacher picked him up at the cafeteria, when she came to pick up the class and she shared, he shared with her that he was worried that his sister had had this. You know, are busy. They are trying to get to the next place. It's easy to say. The reassuring thing, which is, Oh, I'm sure she's fine. If something's wrong, her teacher will take care of her. don't worry about it. And that would have been really a well meaning and probably appropriate response. But what his teacher did was she said, Do you want to go to the nurse's office and check to make sure she hasn't been there? so his teacher walked him to the nurse's office so that he could check and talk to the nurse and make sure that his sister had not been there. when the nurse reassured him that she had not seen her today, the teacher said, do you want to also go check on her in her classroom and just put eyes on her? So she took him to her, to his sister's classroom so that he could have eyes on her and know. And there she was, and she was in UPK, she was in pre K. So she's this, you know, little three and a half, four year old sitting in her classroom. And there's her big brother coming by to check. And, that, to me, was an example of a teacher who's smallest, most caring way completely changed his day. He would not have learned the rest of the day. would have been sitting in his classroom with his mind racing. the fact, and she didn't need to do that, but she did and it took just a few minutes of the day and really made a difference. And, the other example of a story that really, to me, shows the profound impact that teachers have on building a culture of inclusivity is a few years ago when my son was there. I was eating in the cafeteria and a friend in his class tried to squirt mayo on his lunch and he's allergic to egg. And when that happened, the kid said, you can't die from eating mayo. And he had some friends at the table who stood up for him. And, he didn't tell me about the situation for a few days. It's, you know, kids always tell you those things like when they're going to bed at night, right? So it's bedtime a few nights later and he says, oh, you know, mom, this thing happened to me the other day. And So the next morning I called his teacher and I just said I just wanted to put this on your radar. This happened at school. I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but he didn't tell me until last night. And she was also a food allergy parent. so she a book the next day and she did a whole lesson with her class about understanding food allergies and why it could hurt somebody. And, again, that was not something that anyone put her up to, right? That wasn't policy. That wasn't part of the protocol for how to handle an incident like this. It was her decision to really lean into what had happened and try to make sure that she could build an understanding. so I think that's really the powerful part of talking about this and not having it be something that people kind of keep to themselves is communicating and, having it be really something that all kids and all staff members are talking about.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Both of those examples show so much care for the child's emotional world, not just their physical safety with the allergen, which from what I know about your work is a big piece of what you've been trying to incorporate, not just in policies, but trying to develop and nurture understanding for the experience.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:And I think that's where the superpowers of teachers really come into play is being able to know if this child is, is too worried to learn, they won't learn. And how can I create an environment that feels safe and healthy so that they can learn the material that they need to..
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:I know you have a really specific story from your son's experience that illustrates what you're trying to get people to understand, which is that the impact of allergy on our emotional life goes far beyond the foods that we eat throughout the day. So I was hoping if you're comfortable and he would be sharing that for the listeners. Okay.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:a year ago, my son who plays youth hockey, was at a rink where there had been a carbon monoxide leak, and it was a hockey tournament that had, he had been there several times throughout that day, so we were there, I don't know, probably about 12 o'clock in the afternoon, and I was there with my niece and nephew and my other children watching the game, when we left that game, all of the kids that I was bringing home with me, they all started to complain about having a headache. And it was very loud at the, at the rink. if you're ever in a, a hockey rink like that, it's, it's very loud. There's a ton of noise. And I kind of chalked it up to that. A few hours later, my husband and my son went back for another later game. And I get this, call from my husband saying something's going on. We don't know what, what it is. but we, there are like 25 kids vomiting right now off the bench and kids are truly like dropping. They are, they are collapsing on the ice. They are getting sick everywhere. And he's like, we're leaving, we're getting out of here. don't know what's going on. And turns out there was a major carbon monoxide leak the rink. And they left, all of the first responders were starting to come to the rink. They had called 911. There were ambulances coming, there were fire trucks coming, and my husband got my son out of there and they left. So they get home and he's home and, we're, we're totally puzzled by what was going on. At the time, we didn't know yet that it was carbon monoxide, but there was obviously something happening. And, as soon as he got home, he's walking down the stairs and I'm sorry to be graphic, but he just like projectile vomits everywhere. And that's when we realized, and the messages started coming through on the hockey chat of like, it's carbon monoxide. We're all going to Children's Hospital. the fire department detected it. They came in. They said the numbers were, in the hundreds of, of rating how high the carbon monoxide exposure was. and thank God everyone was okay. Everyone from that rank was okay. But I think that that night there were like 120 kids who went to the hospital, because it was a tournament too. So there were kids in and out all day. And when realized that my son was getting sick. The first thing he said was, please don't call 9 1 1, please don't call 9 1 1, please don't call 9 1 1. And he was terrified of having EMTs come and that he was going to have to go to the hospital. So what we decided to do, because it's that moment of trying to decide what is the decision I can make that will create the greatest outcome for him and also do the least amount of health damage is kind of the thing that you're weighing, right? And, so I said, if I call. police, if I call the ambulance, and they come just do a check, do a check up on you here at home, and we don't go to the hospital, would you be okay with that? he was. So we had the first responders come to our house, they checked him, they said he really is fine, he just needs fresh air, and he ended up being okay that night. But the outcome after that was the part that, for me, was this lesson learned of, His trauma, his medical trauma that is associated with his allergy will follow him forever. It will be something that he carries with him in the most unsuspecting places. up to this point, he had been really in a great place. He had not been worried about anything. we had a couple years where he would obsessively check food labels, or he would obsessively worry about the ingredients and things and whether or not they were going to be safe. He was so far removed from that because of OIT. That in the following days, he was scared to eat and he was also scared to go to hockey ever again. He was starting to, he was like, I don't want to play hockey anymore. And this is a kid who, this is his whole life. This is his whole identity. and it was this really eye opening experience for us to see how the medical trauma associated with it could impact this sport that he loves so much. and, as we unpacked it with him, and, and we rely heavily on, on mental health supports for that, and we don't try to go at that alone, I think that's something that's really valuable. is being able to ask for help when you need it. And he was able to work through that it wasn't just the medical trauma. It was also everyone getting physically sick. Seeing everyone get sick in a way that, you know, he had, sick in the past from an allergic reaction. And then the other part of it that I thought was really interesting is discovering that with food allergies have been trained to see the threat. They've been trained to read the threat. They can see it with their eyes, right? They can see that that's a peanut butter sandwich. They can see that that's a packet of mayo. They can read that this contains tree nuts. This was a threat to him that he did not see. And that was something that for his little, at the time, 8 year old brain, it was too much for him to understand. How can I protect myself other than just not go into any area ever again where that threat could occur? back. and so that to me was this really eye opening experience
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Yeah, and the way that his body connected it experience of a vomiting of seeing other people sick in his body, probably without much conscious thought on his part, even though it sounds like it came out later, that feeling of connecting it to the possibility of a food allergy reaction and that I'm, I don't really want to eat. I'm, I'm. refusing foods that I wouldn't have or feeling uncomfortable eating in a way that I haven't been, I just think it speaks to what I preach so much as how our nervous system just remembers things and is kind of, like you said, scanning, and we want to find the things that we can see the concrete evidence, but with, with food allergy, as with this experience, kind of stirred up that what's the unknown, what am I missing would be harming me that I don't even know it's out there. And then we just retreat. And, and feel this generalized fear and, and protectiveness.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:and if I can just run away from it as far as possible, then I'll be safe think that's
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Right. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:the other part of that experience. That was a big area of growth for me and my husband was anyone who's ever had a child with anxiety knows when you don't see the same threat as your child, right? Like you, logically, we were like, they've replaced every part of the that was creating this leak, or we're playing at a completely different rank. We're playing in an outdoor rink. We're even, you
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:rink, right?
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:so it can be maddening for a parent when you're trying to explain to your child, you don't have to worry about this. But try to tell someone who's worried to not worry, and it just creates this cycle, and it just compounds it. so it was balancing how much should we be talking about this, and how much should we be ignoring it, it's trying to figure out striking that right balance. Again, where you're going to be doing as much, giving as much benefit to the situation, while also managing the amount of harm that you're going
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Right. Well, back to are we feeding the fear or are we like healing and resolving it, right? Cause I know, I know you well enough to know you weren't ignoring, but in terms of like, let's refocus on this instead of dwelling and just circling and making this fear bigger and bigger, that's kind of what I mean when I say don't feed the fear. do we dwell in it? Do we shift gears and put our focus and energy on something else? It's difficult.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:actually at a game a couple of weeks ago. And as we were driving there, we got a message from the coach saying they just had to evacuate this rink because the fire alarm was going off. And as we're driving, I said to my husband, Hey, we can, don't worry. We're not late because there's a delay. The games are delayed. And I kind of gave him that look like, just keep driving. Like, or how can we go?
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:Do not discuss, don't engage. Yep.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:any, you know, association with that. So it's still a real thing, even though we've moved beyond that. It's always still that, parents know you just have to navigate and be aware. And when we got there, of course, then some kids were talking about like, Oh, the smoke alarm was going off. The smoke alarm was going off. And my son's like, why, what was happening? And it's just trying to give facts while also not feeding the fear.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:And it's constantly, it's a constant dance, right? And our, our nervous systems as parents just respond so much. As soon as you got that message, you knew okay, it's on. How do I,
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:Here we
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:what's the balance here in this specific? Yep. Yes. Well, I don't want to keep you all day. I feel like we could talk for hours, but do you have time for me to ask you just one wrap up question? I like to ask everybody at the end to tell us something really great about food allergies and how they've impacted you in a wonderful way. Definitely.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:for this. I think when I look at food allergies through the lens of, like, through the eyes of my children, has created some of the most independent kids I could not have taught them that level of independence and self advocacy. I consider it leadership skills. When I see some of the, that they have because they've had to navigate advocating for themselves and asking questions and seeking information where other kids their age might just kind of get to coast through. have in so many ways become just so much more independent and responsible it, it, that might sound like they're having to grow up too fast. I don't think it's that at all. I think it's that they recognize that sometimes you have to really take responsibility for yourself I think that it creates a lot of empathy for them. will never forget the first time, my son was in a class with a student who was diabetic and he got to go to the nurse with him have his insulin checked. And my son came home from school and he said, I got to be his buddy today. And because we both are familiar with the nurse's office, right? But he just felt this, like, leadership over, I get to be, you know, with this respect because I understand the experiences of others and I think that's been a really amazing thing And then I guess I would also just say this is something we say in our house all the time Of all of the problems that we could have been given in this world, right of all of the conditions This one is treatable. This one is manageable, right? We have medication that can can reverse the effects of food allergies when, when we accidentally ingest them. there are so many,, other types of, of problems and medical conditions that we could have that we wouldn't feel the same way. So, I always tell my kids, it's really inconvenient, but I would take this over so many other things. And it's just keeping that positive attitude about it and knowing that there are a lot of, people who have it much worse than we do. And that really keeps it in perspective when you feel the burden of it all. Yeah.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:I can see all the things you're describing and in many of the kids that I meet and know, and I think it's a beautiful, side effect isn't probably a good word, but bonus.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:bonus for sure. It has created some real superpowers in my kids that I'm very proud of, and I hope that it's a part of them that they carry with them forever that they can use when they, even when they are advocating on their own someday.
squadcaster-9e53_1_10-21-2024_150301:I'm sure they will. Thank you so much for taking all this time. Thanks for all that you shared.
sarah-hornung--she-her-_1_10-21-2024_150301:me.
Here are a few things you can do right away if you've been inspired by listening to Sarah and all of her great ideas. Number one, check her out on Instagram at TheEagerTeacher and on her blog, TheEagerTeacher. com. Number two, whether you've had great or difficult school experiences or some combination of both, this is a great episode to share with your child's teachers and school administrators or even those involved in running organizations outside of the school, especially if you're seeing a need for a deeper understanding of both food allergy safety and the emotional experiences of kids with food allergies. And number three, Sarah and I are both available for speaking engagements and consultation. We've even enjoyed teaming up doing a bit of that work together and we would both be happy to help your school or your organization. the content of this Podcast is for informational and educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any questions about your own medical experience or mental health needs, please consult a professional. I'm Dr. Amanda White house. Thanks for joining me. And until we chat again, remember don't feed the fear.
