Don't Feed the Fear: Food Allergy Anxiety & Trauma
Welcome to "Don't Feed the Fear," where licensed psychologist Dr. Amanda Whitehouse offers expert guidance on managing the social and emotional challenges of food allergies and related conditions. Tune in for compassionate advice, practical strategies, and inspiring stories to help you navigate anxiety and trauma with confidence and resilience.
For more info on resources from Dr. Whitehouse, go to www.thefoodallergypsychologist.com
Theme song: The Doghouse by Kyle Dine, www.kyledine.com
Used with permission from the artist
Don't Feed the Fear: Food Allergy Anxiety & Trauma
A Mind/Body Approach to Food Allergies and Nutrition with Dietician Nishti's Choice
Dr. Whitehouse speaks with Nishti, a dietitian specializing in food allergies, to explore the critical role of early detection and intervention in managing food allergies. They discuss the latest insights on early food introduction and signs of food allergies, the connection between gut health/inflammation/allergies, and the importance of the microbiome in immune system development.
They also explore the psychological and emotional aspects of food allergies, including how a parent’s mental health can influence their child’s physical and emotional well-being. The conversation also touches on the overlap between neurodivergence and food allergies, the complexities of Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID), and how conscious parenting approaches can support children navigating food allergies and anxiety. Finally, they explore the deep mind-body connection in allergy management, offering practical insights for families seeking a conscious approach to food allergy care.
Tune in for a conversation that blends science, psychology, and compassionate strategies to support children and families facing food allergies.
Action Steps:
1. Nutritionist West Midlands | Nishti's Choice | Advanced Dietician
2. Dr. Shefali - Awaken Yourself to a World of Change with Dr. Shefali
3. Take a moment to be present and mindful with your child today! Remind yourself that to shift the focus away from food and onto them as a full, whole, and worthy being just as they are right now. <3
Special thanks to Kyle Dine for permission to use his song The Doghouse for the podcast theme
www.kyledine.com
You can find Dr. Whitehouse at thefoodallergypsychologist.com and on Instagram (@thefoodallergypsychologist) and Facebook (Dr. Amanda Whitehouse, Food Allergy Anxiety Psychologist)
Email: welcome@dramandawhitehouse.com
Forgive me parents, but I need to say this, this is so important from a pediatric dietician with almost 14 years of experience. I think that we are too obsessed about what our children eat and don't eat. It's so triggering for parents, but we need to raise children that know their worth, whether they have an allergy or not, whether they eat broccoli or not, they are still worthy for who they are. And, that is what children need.
Speaker:Welcome to the Don't Feed the Fear podcast, where we dive into the complex world of food allergy anxiety. I'm your host, Dr. Amanda Whitehouse, food allergy anxiety psychologist and food allergy mom. Whether you're dealing with allergies yourself or supporting someone who is, join us for an empathetic and informative journey toward food allergy calm and confidence.
Today we're talking with Nishti, an award winning dietitian registered in the UK, Denmark, and Faroe Islands, and the founder of Nishti's Choice, an online nutrition consultancy clinic that covers a range of health related conditions. Nishti isn't just a dietitian, she's an evidence based practitioner and mindfulness teacher with training in conscious parenting. You will love Nishti's child and patient centered compassionate approach with an emphasis on the mind body connection.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Nishti, thank you for being here and taking the time to talk to me today. I'm so excited to have your input on the podcast. I haven't had anyone from your perspective join us yet here on the show.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I'm so excited to be here. I love the name of your podcast and I just think we're meant to be here today, aren't we?
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:I agree. I agree. Already, before we started recording, we were just chatting away. So I think there's lots to discuss.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I'm excited. Thank you.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:So Nishti's Choice is your practice, your business, and you are a dietician specializing in food allergies, correct?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:That's right. Yes. So Nishti's Choice is an online consultancy business and I set it up in 2018 because I was so tired of seeing how parents would go weeks, if not months, to get the help that they needed for their baby. So I'm particularly interested in cow's milk allergy. And I just remember this mom walking into my Monday clinic, she's a first time mom, and she's waited months to see a dietician, and all the signs were there, classical cow's milk protein allergy symptoms. it was a formula fed baby. And I said to her, you know what, this is what you need. This is the type of formula you need. And I handed her the formula. we had this chat and she said, why did it have to take so long? And that mom changed everything for me. I think it was just an eye opener. Not that it hadn't happened before, but it was just like an aha moment. Um, and I share that story again and again, cause it really was the, the, the reason for why I started this choice.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:I think so many of us listening and myself included can relate to that feeling because it feels like we are digging and searching and hunting down answers instead of professionals that clearly you knew so clearly instantly what the problem was, but she wasn't able to get that answer for so long.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I know. So through Nishi's Choice, we do all of this instantly, effortlessly, no waiting, because I'm the sort of person, I just don't like any faff. I just, let's just get the job done. And with food energy, it's It's actually pretty simple once you, you know what the problem is. And you know, it's not like, for example, with mental health, for instance, it's, it's not black and white. So obviously you have your non IgE and your IgE food allergies. So for example, with milk allergy, the classical non IgE symptoms would be things like eczema, reflux, vomiting, diarrhea, colic, constipation. Just a generally unsettled baby. Those are the highest number, right? We see them all the time and they are most likely going to have a milk allergy that needs to be diagnosed
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:so is it usually that simple, especially if it's a parent with a, with a baby or a younger child as, as either eliminating dairy from the, from the mother's diet if she's nursing or getting a formula switch and they feel better?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yeah, I wish it was that simple for everyone. Unfortunately, it's not. Sometimes it's numerous formulas, which is for the breastfeeding mom. It can be lots of different foods that need to be eliminated. I have one at the moment I can think of where this child is just reacting to everything and anything. But we follow our patients through every day via our app. So we see in real life and every day what's actually happening. And I feel like that is really what gets us tremendous. Tremendous, great results because they don't have to wait weeks or months. They have a dietitian in their pocket. We are monitoring them. They have the peace of mind. They have certainty. They don't have to play dietitian, doctor, uh, nurse. We take over that so the parent can just be the parent and enjoy, often his first time parents, isn't it? Who've been through hell and back, and we just want them to enjoy having a baby.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:You know, right? And this certainly gets in the way of that. When these kinds of problems pop up, it would be so reassuring. There's an app where you can give feedback immediately. How does that work with your clients?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:So actually, it was based on the experience I have. I thought seeing a client once and then giving them a plan and then seeing them again in a few weeks. Wasn't really helping. A lot of parents would email and go, Oh my, I introduced, for instance, I introduced egg and my child reacted. And what do I do now? And based on our feedback from, from all the clients, we thought, okay, let's put together a program where we are there with them throughout the whole journey. So from diagnosis to treatment, So first you solve the issues and then you do the diagnostic challenge. And then weaning comes, and here in the UK we have specific guidelines for, introducing food allergens. Specifically, I'm sure it's the same in the US, for high risk infants we try and get them in a little bit quicker, like eggs and peanuts. and then. There is the milk ladder as well. So around age one, we want to introduce The, the milk back into their diet and that's also a step by step approach. So we try to just help parents with the whole journey, instead of just seeing them, once a month. And they don't know what's going to, what are the next good steps to take. So we just, we're just there with them. we get great results because, I, we see everything. We, we, we see everything, everything's recorded and we can give real life advice and help and support. So yeah, I think it's a game changer. I'm very proud it's called the settle baby plan. I'm, I'm really proud of it because a lot of work goes into it. but we get good results because of all that work. So we promise to settle a baby with milk allergy in four weeks or less. And that's the big promise. But we do it because of the real hands on daily input. We will settle the baby. Obviously, if there's another medical condition like reflux, then we have a doctor that we work with that we can liaise with. So, there's always that, but isn't there in medicine, there's, it's just
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:another complication that can pop its head in there, but. Yeah, that sounds, of course, my mind as a psychologist goes right to the parent and what stress that would relieve for them rather than, many of us here, at least in the U. S., have, we call the doctor, we wait, we get a nurse line, we're on hold, it's just so Even more stress creating process and then I know you're on this path with me in terms of how does our stress Impact our baby's nervous system and how are we co regulating and that fuels everything this sounds like the opposite of that It sounds so soothing and reassuring from the parent to help the child heal from that angle as well
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Definitely. I remember my trip to LA, I was booking an Uber every five minutes. So Uber, you know, when you can see when the driver comes, I mean, for me, it's like so perfect because you just never know when you call a taxi, are they going to come? What time? And I feel like with how we work, parents don't have to worry at all because we are there every day, multiple times a day. And it just takes away that stress because they've already been through hell and back of numerous doctors visits and. You know, again, we cannot expect every GP to know what cow's milk energy is, you know, they are already having to work with so many people with so many conditions. So I have great empathy for our GPs. They often get a lot of slack. But I'm I just want to say, you know what, we have to remember that they can't Be specialists in everything. And I think personally, a baby with chasmal protein energy should go straight to a dietitian because we can solve it. So why give the, the, the GP all this extra work when in fact, the dietitian specializing in charismatic energy, such as us, we can solve it. Less hassle for the parent, less hassle for the system.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Absolutely. But is there, is there a missing link in the chain sometimes in terms of parents finding you or knowing that what's happening is an indication that that's the help they need?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yeah. I mean, obviously here in the UK, there is free health care, so they will always consult their, their own doctor first. And some people can get the help that they need, but then there is also a lot of people who can't. They aren't under a specialist. So we are a private company. So obviously it comes with a private charge as well. So I think here in the UK, most people will try the NHS route first. And then if they can't get the help they need, then they usually find us. so that's usually how it works. We also have us clients. it's mainly Texas that we tend to attract. I'm not sure why. I have found that it's, for example, things like the milk ladder isn't managed properly and they're not guided properly on the milk ladder. So that's quite interesting, you know, from, from my perspective as being here in the UK, just seeing how different countries, how, how they work and how allergies manage. And I love
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:that you pointed out that the compassion and the understanding of the breadth of topics that the general practitioners it's a lot that they have to have on their radar. It does seem at least here in the U. S. And a lot of people getting mixed information.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yeah. I mean, there are clear guidelines, but I think it's still a scary area for like someone without expertise to guide a parent, to introduce food allergens. If the baby's covered in eczema and then they say, Oh, the guidelines say introduce egg and peanut. I mean, I think I would be terrified as a healthcare professional if I wasn't in that area of expertise. So I think we need to really think about that. it's scary for parents and it was also scary for me as a, as a pediatric dietician without the allergy experience that I have now, you know, it was like, Ooh, what if something happened, you know, so it definitely has to be under specialist care and knowledge, doesn't it? When you have a food allergy child.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:It's because of the high risk and the the precise nature of introducing things and judging for reactions, but when do we eliminate versus when do we continue on the ladder to induce tolerance? It's a, it's a scary balance sometimes.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yeah. And another thing, and you probably you, well, you're the clinical psychologist. I often find that parents and their own fears stop them from doing what they know they should do, but it's because they're worried, you know, they've already had it hard. And they might be reading things about someone had an allergic reaction. And then why would you want to put your child through any kind of danger? So you can only understand where they're coming from, but I think parental fear and anxiety really does blur the, the whole journey of introducing food allergens, but also the milk that, Oh, this is symptom there, or maybe I should stop it. And, and again, that's because sometimes. I find especially that parents try and be the dietitian, the doctor, the nurse all at once. A lot of parents try and do it all. I'm not sure why, because it is very stressful for them. And then they end up coming to us anyway. But you don't have to go through all that. you know, that pain and suffering and anxiety, it's already stressful enough to have an allergy baby, isn't it? Absolutely.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:And I'm curious on your experience with this because I find exactly what you're saying in terms of the parents fear and anxiety affecting their decisions and what as a part of that sometimes I think is that Parents difficulty distinguishing between what's their fear and their anxiety and worry, and what is their intuition, what is their knowing and their connection with their child about what's going on, that has been dismissed, and then to distinguish between the two, I don't think we are well versed culturally, again at least here, in terms of Knowing the difference and, and again, it's all nervous system based. Am I in a place of fear? Is this coming from worry and anxiety or is this kind of a deep knowing that I have about something I observed and something I recognized to be true about my child and then pushing forward with that if it hasn't necessarily been supported by the first medical professional they talked to about it.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:What do you think? Oh, I love that. So that's really essentially like looking at the facts, like has something happened? Is there a reason to be fearful or is there, is it projecting fears onto the future, allowing the present moment to be hijacked by worry and anxiety?
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:I think so. Because the examples that come to mind are I have a lot of parents that I work with that just say, I just knew. I knew they were allergic certainly the opposite is true where you're saying parents hesitate to introduce because of the fear, what do you think? Do you see patients who kind of had a gut feeling and they were on? 100%.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:They always say, I knew something wasn't right and I should have trusted my intuition. majority of our patients are the milk allergy baby. And they always knew something wasn't right, but they were told to wait it out or colic is normal or eczema. Oh, that's fine. It's normal. It's, it's just baby acne, but they knew something wasn't right. And that's when they go on to TikTok or Instagram, and then they start to do their own research, and put two and two together.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:So tell us then for those who are listening, who do have little ones or who are hoping to have kids, What should they be looking for? What would they know is an indication and what should they do?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:So let's take the, from newborn age. So as soon as you notice any kind of symptoms, whether you're breastfeeding your baby or your formula feeding your baby, anything to do with your three systems. So for example, the skin. The respiratory system or the gastrointestinal system. So the tummy for any, anyone with suspected milk allergy, we say that any of those three systems need to be affected. And it's not just one symptom, it has to be two symptoms. So for example, I'll give you an example. So a child with eczema and, diarrhea and reflux or a child without eczema, but who has reflux colleague and who's congested. Right. So those kids are actually they are more classed as a possible mild non IgE cas milk allergy, and they are often dismissed like, Oh, colic reflux, that's normal. But in fact, there are new guidelines out that suggest that reflux, if a child has reflux, it could be food allergy associated reflux. So the clinician should really look at whether there is an element of food allergy present before you start prescribing medication because that's what we tend to see. Children or babies with reflux are just given medication when in fact they had other symptoms that pointed towards a non IgE carcinic allergy and therefore that has to be treated first. Before you start medication because it can obviously disrupt the microbiome and we just want to be we want we want to get to the root cause, you know, right, not just
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:suppress symptoms and fool ourselves into thinking nothing's wrong because we aren't noticing that symptom anymore.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:So that's for the newborn. Obviously, there are lots of other allergies than milk allergy. So it's difficult to give parents a definite guide. But Definitely always pay very close attention to your child's symptoms. Keep a food and symptom diary. And if you're unsure, I always say, if you're breastfeeding, for instance, and you're unsure, then that means that there is no reaction. So keep going with that food until you are sure. Does that make sense? So don't eliminate unnecessarily. Don't eliminate until you are sure, because you could risk really eliminating a lot of foods from your diet. And we see that a lot as well. That makes sense.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:What would services with an older child look like? Do people bring kids in who are older, who didn't have these classic infancy symptoms, but then are struggling later?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Now, in our clinic, we tend to see children that struggle later in life with IBS like symptoms or eczema or food aversion. And when we, when you look closer at the early life history, they were most likely a non IgE In pediatrics to see that kind of picture where the child still has IBS or has IBS, symptoms may have changed. So early in life, they might have had other symptoms, but then as a toddler, you, you'll see, you know, symptoms change and it becomes more obvious when you try and potty train your child. and we have a few, children on, on our case load at the moment who have food aversion. So basically they've got issues with textures of foods and just foods in general. And when you look at the early life history, they really struggled with feeding and lots of other symptoms that suggest an allergy to casmoprotein. Obviously, we can't prove that in that moment because they don't have that right now. But for some children, for example, with IBS, we usually try and eliminate dairy or any other foods. It's usually dairy first. and see if there is any symptom resolution, but I just feel like it just always comes back to what happened in early childhood, what was maybe not picked up upon, perhaps dismissed, and then eventually it comes out in another form.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Are there other steps in, in addition to identifying and eliminating? are there things that people should be? adding in that you're encouraging them to have more of in the diet or looking at nutritionally that will help the body to regain balance or to adjust?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Well, we always obviously have to consider that the microbiome plays a huge role when it comes to food allergy. And especially like in early life, when you start weaning a baby, more food variety equals a better and healthier microbiome or healthier guts. So that is essential. That's the one thing that parents can control. And that is what they feed their child, but not what the child desires to eat, unfortunately, but food variety is key. And now there isn't anything magical that you can add to sort of reduce the risk of allergies, but it's food variety. The early introduction of food allergen, according to the research, that's, that's, those are the two main things to really stress. Yeah.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:How many of these kids who have all these food aversions, who are restricting their own diet, maybe they're a little bit older, we're past the infancy stage. when they show up to me, I'm saying these are signs of ARFID, there's aversion to all these foods. Where do you play into identifying and conceptualizing that piece of the puzzle?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I love this question because I used to work in an eating disorder unit and we would see children with anorexia nervosa, but also ARFID patients who would be mistaken for having anorexia nervosa. But I think we're becoming a bit more aware now of what ARFID is. And we often see children with ARFID like symptoms, parents are now also questioning it because there's more awareness, so they know, but then when you look closer at the role as a dietitian is obviously to assess, we can't diagnose ARFID, but as a dietitian, we can assess and we can say, ah, are they meeting the criteria, the DSM 5 criteria for ARFID? And if we think they do, Then what our role is to one, ensure the diet is meeting all the nutritional requirements to try and expand the diet as well. And that's a whole nother topic. And then three race with the GP that we think, and we suspect our fit in this patient. And then when you look closer at times, I would say 90 percent of the clients we see with suspected our fit also have an underlying You know, neurodevelopmental disorders such as autism, and we know, obviously, the research does support that they go hand in hand.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:I think it is becoming more widespread, but for those who don't know what it is,
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:yeah, so ARFID stands for Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder. And it is an eating disorder, but it's not an eating disorder that's associated with body dysmorphia. So that means the child will not think they are fat. For instance, they don't have that worry. they are often mistaken for just being a picky eater, but children with ARFID will not give in. If you try and starve them, they will not eat because the fear overpowers them. and they often have a very, very limited diet. Maybe even five foods. We've seen, we've seen children with three foods. So it's, it's more than picky eating. We say it's more than picky eating. It is an eating disorder. but it's definitely different from what we may think of as an eating disorder, such as anorexia nervosa,
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:right? And as you mentioned there is some overlap with kids with some sort of neurodivergence. And we also know that the underlying link of that is neurodivergence. Something with to do with the microbiome, right? Gut issues are also something that's been identified in those So it's all tied together.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yeah. And also there's new evidence out about like inflammation as well, causing possible off it. So it all, you know, we, we have to look at the body as a whole. Don't we, uh, there's so much we don't know. Um, and I think that keeps us on our toes as healthcare professionals, but it's. Yeah, everything's tied together and everything always I feel comes back to the link between the mind and the guts or the body. Uh, you know, I, I know you're a psychologist and I love anything to do with the mind. I think we just cannot. Separate those two. And luckily we are more acceptant to that now, the, the relationship between the body and the mind. But I think we still have a long way to go.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:And that's a big part of what you incorporate into your work as well. Right. Mindfulness practices and mind body approaches.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yes. I am an advocate for conscious parenting. So I have followed, um, I'm not sure if you know of Dr. Shefali's work, you know, I, I came across her work in 2000 and. I think, and I was blown away. And I just remember I flew to New York for a conference and I didn't know why I was there. Like I was in the audience and everyone was a parent and there I was.
Speaker 3:Hi. Hello.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:And I just remember thinking, what am I doing here? It was like an out of body experience, if that makes sense, but it was a journey and it still is a journey. I think conscious parenting, I really do think it is a game changer. It. You know, as a pediatric dietitian, I noticed early on in my work that it was, it's not just about feeding a child. A lot of the struggles that we would see parents go through and still today comes from projecting their own fears and anxieties onto their children, their own expectations, their own sense of unworthiness. Like nothing is ever good enough. So for instance, yesterday I had a consultation with one of our patients and you know, he's eating four different fruit and vegetables. He used to eat two, now it's four. We think he has ARFID, so he's on a journey. And that wasn't just still not good enough, you know, so, so there is that element of not good enough, I think, and I am intrigued. I'm all for raising children that know their worth. So conscious parenting all the way. And that's because I was raised by unconscious parenting. You know, I, I love my parents dearly, but oh gosh, I grew up in a war zone, no consciousness at all. I see consciousness as, the ability to deconstruct everything you have been taught. So all the conditioning. and look at things from like unlearn everything you've learned, basically clear the lens and, and see the lens and not, not approach life or people or children or husband or wife from fear, but from love and abundance and easy said than done. It takes a lot of work, doesn't it? And with my, with our clients. When the time is right, we bring in that element as well, because a lot of them will parent from fear and anxiety, they always say, for example, this word is their favorite. What if, you know, what if, or what if, and I always say, well, that's a future projection. So let's just come back to the present moment. I always say one day at a time. Less flow with your child one day at a time, and let's not hijack the present moment, you know, from, from our own sort of projections. Because anxiety, and you know, this better than me, Amanda, but anxiety, I think is a future projection, isn't it? It's basically the mind telling you something that hasn't happened yet. So it's actually an illusion, isn't it?
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Right. Putting energy into trying to control something that's not here yet. Right, right.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:And I think, doesn't that just say a lot. I think that is what we tend to do and if that's the most common. emotion, then that means there is a lot of coming back to the present moment for parents to appreciate. And I think conscious parenting teaches you that, doesn't it?
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:I love that. I love the way you said it back at the beginning of that statement, love versus fear. I remember when I first started my practice and I was working with so many families and seeing exactly what you're describing that, that the actions and the interactions, the comments, the choices, so many are coming from a place of fear. And that's not what kids need. They don't need our fear. They need our love. Right? So I will link Dr. Shefali's books for those who want to find them. It gets so tricky with allergies because it's absolutely true. my brain is like, yes, absolutely. And then my mom brain is like. But it's anxiety about something that's true. It's a real risk. And it's really something that's been activated physiologically in the body. And as you and I were talking about, the mind body connection is so real that it's not just the mind. The anxiety doesn't just live in the mind worrying about something happening. It also lives in the nervous system, in the vagus nerve recalling. A reaction recalling the symptoms and then trying to protect us. So it's absolutely true. And then I think putting it into action is so much more complex because parents think. Well, I'd love to stop being anxious if it were that simple. I sure would. I
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:know, I know. I can just hear a parent say that. And obviously we understand, we fully understand, I think looking, looking within and looking at your own fears and anxieties and looking at why we're always triggered by external events. I think that's, that's a revolution in itself. And I just don't think we do that enough. And whether that's. Food allergy or not. I think in, in anything in life, we just have to go within and just, you know, check in, you know, what, what are we actually doing in this moment? Because I think it can cause more harm than what we may think. And I want to give an example if that's okay, because I will never forget this one kid. This was when I worked in the NHS and You know, parents would call, uh, if they had worries. And back then, you know, we would pick up the call and we would answer their questions. And there was this one parent who had a child with multiple food allergies and she would call two to three times a day. And obviously, you know, we, we understood, but also it's not normal to call two to three times a day. So I decided to do a home visit. And I remember my team leader at the point, she was like. Oh, how come you're doing a home visit? I said, Sue, I need to understand what's going on because I think this is more than food allergy. And that's because I think intuitively I've always been like, what is going on? Like why, why I'm a why kind of person. So I went out to see her and I just remember her little girl walking around. She was a toddler at that point. And we sat down and we had a chat. I can't remember the exact ins and outs, but what I do remember was me asking her, so what is going on? You know, and At that point, obviously we had built trust because she called two to three times a day. And you were there for her, right? And I wasn't, you know, I was there for a while and we had a chat and, and I reassured her that her child was fine. Cause it was always, there's always a problem with growth, isn't it? But growth and this and nutrition. And, but when you've, when you've justified that everything's actually fine, then you can get to the real issue, which was that mom was having problems with her husband. Her husband had been cheating on her. So she shared that in confidence and I just never forget that because she was allowing that and she was doing that unconsciously. I believe, of course, she was as Dr. She finally says she was taking all that. Um, well, Dr. She finally can be a little bit harsh in her words, but she was like, I think Dr. She finally says she would. I have verbal diarrhea onto,
Speaker 3:uh,
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I don't know how to explain that. But basically it's just all pouring out. It's all pouring out, but it's because you haven't sat with it and you, maybe you haven't talked to the right person about it. And then you are just, the only thing you can try and control is your child. But actually that's not, you're just causing more harm and damage to yourself and your child. And you know, this dynamic Amanda happens all the time in pediatrics. Time, after time, after time. And that's why I just decided to do Dr. Ali's courses mindfulness.'cause I thought I need to be able, I need to equip myself to deal with parents. You know, I, I wanna be able to help them move beyond fear and not just talk about food. Because oftentimes it's not just about that.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:What does that look like in your work then with families? you gave that example with that mother. That's, that's a. Extreme case in a very specific case, of course, more generally speaking, how do you do that in your work? So I
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:have another example of a parent who struggles with her child and her child's poos. She doesn't think they are normal. So we've been working together for a while and it's very obvious that actually this child's poos are fine. There is no problem with these poos. But what mom is going through, mom has MS. So what she's trying to do is, and we had this honest conversation, I said to her, you are trying to control your child's diet. Her child's diet is magnificent. It couldn't be better than what it is, but she's trying to control her child's diet because there's nothing else for her left to control. She's going through so much. And when she shared with me what she's going through, it just all made sense. So I said to her, You are, can you see that you are trying to control your child's diet when in fact It's probably because you are feeling out of control yourself. So I'm not a psychologist I always say that but I always try and make them understand that is there really a problem here or is there not if there Is I'll help you or solve it for you And by the way, she had eliminated tons of foods from her child's diet. So we helped to introduce all of those Whilst monitoring that the child's poos are fine. And actually it was all coming from fear. So I helped her see that, but not from day one. First you build trust. And I helped her with the dietetic bit, the nutrition bit. I helped the parent with that first. Before I dive into anything that may be related to non food. Because, you know, I'm not a psychologist. They haven't come for a psychology session. I cannot dismiss the elephant in the room.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Right. And as you said, you, even though you're not a therapist, you're the person that they trust at that moment. You're the safe person that they might disclose that to or be willing to see that if you point it out in a way that they might not be willing to see someone or be defensive if, if the GP, who they don't know very well, kind of points that out in a more abrupt manner. So I can see how that would open the door to those things.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yeah, I think that the relationship we have because we work together every day and we're there and it really helps to see what's going on and they trust me and, and then I can send them, like I often send them a video, Dr. Shefali video. There was one about, um, constipation and how, when a parent tries to control that. Obviously children can only control two things and that's food and elimination. So we also see parents trying to control their children's eating. and if you don't mind, I have another example this child was, undiagnosed milk allergy, egg allergy, and soya allergy, and has been mismanaged to a level I've never seen before. They're from Norway. And, child was losing weight drastically. Like the growth chart just showed diving deep dive down downwards, which you don't want on a growth chart for a child. So now the child's weight is going up. and mom has put in a lot of work to change things around. but she's now the child is okay. There's still a lot of fear and anxiety. So there was always a lot of fear and anxiety, which I understood at that moment in time. But now after two months, I said to her you cannot be cooking your child five meals because she cooks her child five meals because if he doesn't eat this, then maybe he will eat that. But right now he's teething. So I said to her, we need to accept that he's unwell at the moment. So I said to her, I'll just say Sarah, that's not her name, I said to her, Sarah, do you trust your child? And she says, no, I don't. I don't trust him. I don't trust he will know when to eat and when to stop and when to not eat. And it was just, you know, why would she say that to me if I hadn't worked with her for two months? You know, but it was very obvious. And I feel like my, my, my experience with conscious parenting has helped me to see that, but also have the courage to go, do you actually trust your child and their instinct and their own sort of innate ability to know when to eat and not, not to eat, you know, like I would never have said that 10 years ago, but now it's like, it opens up a whole nother conversation. And I love it. I can help these people on a, on a deeper level than just, uh, The, you know, the ordinary stuff,
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:a list of foods to eat and not eat, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you touched on something that I think is really important for parents, um, to know, which obviously I don't do what you do, but oftentimes I'm trying to work through similar things with parents in terms of how it's playing out behaviorally and emotionally for their kids who are resisting, who are, you know, having these struggles. And you mentioned their, their need for control. So we are, we know that kids need connection with us, even though. Sometimes our fear and anxiety get in the way of establishing that. Kids also have a need for control, as you mentioned, over their own, their own bodily functions, their own inner knowing of what they need. that's how a lot of times I've done some work with parents on expanding food choices, what's going on from the cognitive side. Oftentimes, it's the connection that they need to feel the connection with their parents. Like you said, as see me as an individual, see me as a person who, you know, is connecting with you and not something to be controlled and give me some control.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yes, because children just want to be seen as we know, and they don't want to be seen only if they eat their broccoli or not. Which is when parents will see the child. Oh, you ate your broccoli.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Usually we don't celebrate when they do eat it. We just complain when they don't eat it, right?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yes, If they don't eat the broccoli, then we see them even more. But why don't we just see them for who they are? And, and also Amanda, I know that this is food allergy specific, but we also have a lot of children with autism. And for many years, I would go, Oh, you know, really try and push it, push it, try and expand the diet. But now I go, okay, what developmental age is your child? Okay, there are five, right? They might not be ready to change. So we need to accept who they are in this moment. You, especially the parent, needs to accept it. And I, and if the parent is open, I say, do you not think that? Your child has come forth to maybe teach you to accept and be patient and not to try and control things, you know, but I don't say it like that, you know, it comes up in conversation and some parents go, yeah, I see that now, you know, I see how I've just been trying and controlling and, and, and trying too hard and actually maybe, maybe the child just wants to be seen for who they are. And then eventually when they've been seen and accepted. Maybe they will then start to eat sweet corn, but we don't know. And actually we just need to let go and allow, we just don't do that. Do we?
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Well, you said it so well, who doesn't thrive when we are allowed to be as we are, instead of seen as a problem to be solved, I've got to fix this. And now my child has this, right? But like you said, if, if we accept things as they are and work with it, instead of against it, it's a whole different energy.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I just think, I just think, and. Forgive me parents, but I need to say this, this is so important from a pediatric dietician with almost 14 years of experience. I just want to say that I think that we are too obsessed about what our children eat and don't eat. It's so triggering for parents, but is there maybe something that's That this parent needs to look at themselves. Like what is it that's triggering them? Is it their own expectations? Have they been reading things online? Have they been watching how children eat on, Instagram, where you see some children eat the most amazing gourmet meals, like, are we just projecting our own imagination and fantasy onto our children and causing more? Harm we need to raise children that know their worth, whether they have an allergy or not, whether they eat broccoli or not, they are still worthy for who they are. And, that is what children need.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Absolutely. Beyond any specific food in their diet, they need that more than broccoli.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:The food is okay. It does matter, but it really is about raising children that know their worth. And in fact, if you want your child to have a healthy relationship with food. A healthy relationship with food is a reflection of their own relationship with themselves. So raising a child that know their worth and who isn't, obsessed of, of like being a perfectionist or whatever it is, they will, they will have a healthy relationship with food. It's, trust your child, allow them to show you that they may not like breakfast. They may love lunch and just trust them and go with the flow. That's so beautifully said. Thank you for saying that. I hope I hope that's okay. You know, I just have to say it as it is,
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:and I think, you know, it is a little confronting. I think it's true, but it's confronting because it's true, right? If it weren't true, and it didn't apply to us, it wouldn't sting when we hear it. But I think people obviously hearing you and getting to know you through this chat and your approach, understand that you're coming from it from a place of recognizing that we need support around that we all we all deserve help. And if you want to solve this, maybe this is where it's coming from. You deserve support too, as a parent. I just did an episode on therapy and it's making, it's reminding me like how to find a therapist who understands food allergies. And I didn't even talk about, but you're making it so obvious. So many of the parents that we work with. really need help for their own things, not for the food allergy centric piece of things that support that we all deserve, not because they're a disaster, not because there's any major thing wrong with them, but just because it's hard. It's stressful. There's so much on us and there's more support to be deserved and given.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yes. Parents need equally as much support as, as the kids. we have parents who bring their children to us and say, fix that. Well, they don't say fix it, but that's their expectation. Right. And actually. It's no, no, no one's needs fixing. and that's what conscious parenting is all about. let's look inward. What, what is it about my child that's triggering me? And of course, if they have an allergy, they have an allergy, right? But what else is going on?
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Absolutely. The food allergies seem like the target and then there's so much more under the surface. It's always so much more. Yeah, Talk about that, how even with food allergies, which are a genuine concern, how can we focus on the present Oh,
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I just, the benefits are tremendous by, by being here and now, and especially with your child, but also with yourself. I think we don't allow ourselves. That's the joy of the present moment. for instance, we have a baby at the moment that is now settled. They have cataract allergy. They're now settled. And instead of having a joyful moment, mom went, okay, so food allergy. So are they at risk of, and you could just tell she was already worried about weaning and we still like six weeks off weaning. So I said to her, okay. Let's just enjoy that you have a settled baby, and I said we'll talk about this closer to the time. Do not worry about it now, and I can say that because she's in our program, so Just enjoy motherhood. We'll come back to that. But being present, I wish I was taught this earlier in my life because it just helps you to see life in, in a different light. It really does help you to see life, people, relationships in a completely different light. And you're not always living in the mind. You're living in more in your body as well. And I think for parents, Especially with a food allergy baby, that is a game changer because you're talking about your fears and anxieties and running on autopilot and stressing about everything and anything and, They are watching you, isn't it?
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:when we're looking forward to the next step, the next milestone, the next problem that, that may genuinely be down the road, it's robbing us of the joy in the moment. This mom was robbed of the relief and the pleasure of, I solved this problem. My baby is settled and comfortable and happy now. And she didn't get to experience that and connect with her child in that because she was jumping down the road to the next hurdle that was waiting.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:And I just think as, as humans, do we not allow ourselves to be. Joyful in the present moment. Do we always have to think about problems? I just think mindfulness and, and conscious parenting will change the world for the better.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Absolutely. do you find this, people shut down the moment you say mindfulness. I tried meditation, it doesn't work. And that's not what we're talking about. meditation is one path to mindfulness. But when we say mindfulness, we're simply meaning anything that brings you present. To the current moment. Yeah.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yeah. I don't use the word mindfulness as such, you know, it's rare, but I use this a lot. I say, okay, you're now projecting fears onto the future. Let's just be here now. Like, I'm, but I'm a very blunt person as well. I'm from Europe originally. So in Europe we are very like, you know, and let's not hijack the present moment. Like, no. And, and also with your child flow, flow, flow. Do we actually know what that means? No, we are flowing with our own head and our own agenda, but we're not, we're not seeing our child. We're not reading the cues of. For example, what do they prefer? What foods do they prefer? When do they prefer to eat? are they more into picking up their old foods or do they prefer pureed foods to begin with? I mean, children tell us so much. But we are just, we've got our head in a book, we've got a head in TikTok and Instagram listening to other people, but we're not listening to the most important person, the child in the present moment, I cannot understand. I mean, I don't have children yet, so I cannot say that, you know, I will be flowing with my child in the future. But I think when you have an understanding of the present moment and flow and allowing like these mindfulness principles or the, yin and yang principles. I actually use those in my consultations as well. You might be like surprised about that. I see a lot of parents parenting from Yang. Mm-hmm You know, there's a too much doing, too much control, too much, but they need a bit more action oriented. Too much action. Like just step back a bit more yin, you know, connection. Listen to your child, accept them for who they are. We need more yin in parenting.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Yeah. Receptivity is the word that comes to mind for me. That's how I, I can receive, I can experience, I can, when you said allow earlier, that's what it means to me. back to the focus, I am totally on board with you, obviously these bigger concepts are the key, back to the focus of food, what you just mentioned is so key to me because we're, Robbing children. Obviously, we don't mean to do it. I'm sorry, parents. I'm not accusing you. I do this too. We are taking away the joy of food. One of the most basic joys and pleasures of human life to enjoy our food and we're taking all of that out of it with the approaches that you just mentioned. Control and stress and strain and over analysis instead of the allowing and the receptivity to what do you like? What is your favorite fruit? You don't like that one, but is this one delicious? And allowing them to have the experience of, yeah, just let it be,
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:just
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:let it be.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I mean, I just think nowadays I think maybe do we have more time to worry about these things? I don't know what it is, but there are other things in life than. You know, worrying about everything your child eats or not, you know, you can control what you feed them or put in front of them and they ultimately decide and trust them. Obviously, there are feeding conditions such as Orphid where the child won't eat. There's always the buts, isn't there? But for majority of, of children, I think that the parent is. It's projecting their own imagination of what it would be, would be like to have a child,
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:right? I always pictured it this way and
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:this, but life doesn't give us that often. It gives us the opposite because it wants us to be present to this moment and it wants us to go. Ah. My child is teaching me to let go and go with the flow.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Absolutely. Right. And it is such a, bigger experience than, being about the food. And the, the strains and the, the way we're bombarded from the world around us that like you said, why is this happening? I think we live in a world that is. It's pushing and creating this, living in our heads and always having to look ahead and faster speed and not being able to be present. Our kids are being bombarded with the same thing. So I think what we're seeing in them is just another expression of that, what us as parents are struggling with in terms of the anxiety and the stress around this. Yeah.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Children will reflect. So you, I'm sure, you know, but you're working in mental health, you would see children who struggle with anxiety, the parents struggle with anxiety and children who have an eating disorder, parents struggle with an eating disorder of some sort. So you know, that, and that's why healing the parent heals the child or well, the child doesn't need healing because the child comes in, know their worth. They have no limiting beliefs. They come in and they are just ready to live life to the fullest. But for us, who've gone through life, we are bound to some degree. Yeah. Have parts of us that need a bit more love and attention.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Absolutely. Yep. And we all deserve it. We all deserve that extra attention. And we focus all our energy on our kids as if we don't get to take care of ourselves as well. Yeah. Yeah. One of the things that I think would be most helpful to, a lot of my listeners, a lot of my clients, we talked about the bigger picture of, How do we create, the right energy around foods, but do you have some tips? There's so many parents whose kids are not willing to try foods or their diets are so limited. So we talked about what to restrict, how to know when to work with someone to eliminate, but do you have any ideas that people can try just to create a more positive, environment around trying new foods and introducing and exploring foods?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Yes. And I, it's a little bit non conventional. I love that. I, I don't believe that focusing on the food will help. I think that if you have a child that has a limited diet and obviously they have an allergy and they're fearful or whatever it might be, I would expand the other areas in life. I would expand on that. I wouldn't focus on food. Because I'm sure for your listeners, they've probably done that and it hasn't worked.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:So we're sick of talking about food. All we talk about is food all the time.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Exactly. So. So take the, the pressure of food. Let's not put food on a pedestal because food is not, and shouldn't be on a pedestal. Food is neutral. So how do we make it neutral by not talking about it 24 seven? But what I would do to try and help the child and give them the courage to try something new is to give them the courage to try something new in life. So for instance, if they're taking the same route to school, Take a different route. If they haven't gone swimming yet, or they do, but they haven't jumped from the, what, you know, jump. Have they paid for, um, their own sweets when you get them sweets? Let them pay for their own sweet, put courage and confidence into your child and see, watch how that will, trickle into their life. And that, that also means their relationship with food. They will have the courage to try new foods.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:If that makes sense. It does. And it also sounds like in addition to courage, giving them a sense of ownership. You can choose. We can, Try this new thing, we can experience this in a new way, and you can have ownership of that as, as we talked about, as your own person, not my pawn that I'm walking through
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:life. Yes! Not a mini me, you are your own person, and let, yeah, oh, I love that having ownership, and that's what we want, we want to raise, people that can take ownership and responsibility, isn't it? Right. And for that to be a good thing, right? Not a burden, but I
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:get to choose. I get to decide. It's my action that I'm taking.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:So I, I can think of a boy that we've got at the moment and mom has always done everything for him. So I said, we're not going to focus on food anymore. And I just remember mom's face because obviously you're, when you're a dietician, they expect you to talk about food, but he has very set routines that he, he, he does at home. Um, And when he comes home from school, he wants a sandwich and mom makes him the sandwich. So I said to her, mom, you're not going to make the sandwich anymore. He's 11. So he can do it himself. So now he needs to make his own sandwich. Let him make his own sandwich. You can be there. Step number one, step number two, you can be in the living room. Step number three, you go about your own business because he is 11 and that was a way to build courage into him. And we have expanded his diet. He's, he's a success story, you know, but he's also at the age because he's looking at his other friends, they're eating more variety and he wants to be like the others. So the child also needs to be motivated. to change. I think that is key. And if your child isn't motivated and they're too young, then parents should accept that and wait, enjoy life, the present moment. And then eventually, perhaps, maybe one day they will.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Absolutely. That's beautifully said. We can't do everything for our kids, but gosh, do we want to? How would you recommend people start looking for someone who's the right fit for them, especially if food allergies are part of the picture or suspected part of the picture?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:when you have a child with a food allergy, you need to have a dietitian on board because you are going to end up eliminating a food or two. Um, any child's diet could benefit from having a dietician to look at it because there's so many nutrients to be, to be aware of and, and checked off. Um, so I think at any point, but then I'm a dietician. So what do you expect me to say? I
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:say the same thing. Everyone should have a therapist because there's so much potential benefit.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:I completely agree. It's health. My main advice would be. Don't try and do things on your own because we see that a lot and it's great to research, but please don't use Platforms from people that don't hold the credentials because I have seen Really horrible cases where children with eczema have been promised that that eczema can be completely fully Resolved by a particular diet and then when you look at who they've worked with it was actually someone without the credentials to support a child with suspected or confirmed allergies. So, always check the credentials of who you decide to work with. Uh, because I think we are probably missing that, critical mindset, I think, nowadays, because everything's readily available everywhere we go. And everyone's an expert, isn't it? But are they really? So, be very careful with who you trust.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Absolutely. So those who are listening and are as amazed as I am with these approaches that you use, how can people find you and work with you?
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:So we've got our website, which is www. nishichoice. com, but we also on Instagram on Tik TOK. If you want to see me having fun on Tik TOK, come on there, you know, I'm just trying to have fun on there. And, you're more than welcome to book an inquiry call with me. I like to book an inquiry call with potential clients just to see if we can help you, if you're fit for. The, our program called the Settle Baby Plan, and if you are, we can jump on an informal call and see if you are, if you're someone we can help, which I'm sure we can, but we've got tons of free resources everywhere on YouTube. I think we've got over 40 videos on allergy. So have a look and, or email as well. I would love to hear from your listeners if they wanted to drop an email. That's. Yes. Always welcomed as well on info at NishtisChoice. com.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:Okay. And I will link everything below, but obviously you're in the UK. Most of my audience is in the US, but they're all over as well. Um, so you can work with anyone remotely. It doesn't matter where they are. Correct? Yes.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:We, we welcome worldwide patients.
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:So the last question I'd like to ask everyone is tell me something positive about food allergies.
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:You can control it. It's, it's you and the food allergy is not food allergy and you
Dr. Amanda Whitehouse:love that reframe. That is perfect. I think we forget and you're absolutely right. Yes. Yes. This has been the best chat. Thank you so much. Thank you,
Nishti's Choice, Dietician:Amanda. I really enjoyed it. I did. Thank you so much. It's just been a great experience. It was so much fun.
Here are three action steps for you from today's conversation with Nishty. Number one, check out Nishty's Choice, her website, her YouTube resources, her blog, find her on social media. It's spelled N I S H T I S C H O I C E. So you'll find her at nishtyschoice. com and you'll find that in the show notes, Number two, you'll also find in the show notes some links to some resources from Dr. Shefali, who Nishty told us about today. Another really great parenting resource, not just about food allergies, but about conscious parenting that can be really helpful for you. And number three Try one of the approaches that Nishti shared with us today as far as being present with your own child and taking the focus off of the food. Whether that's sitting and being mindful with them and focusing on being present and accepting them as they are instead of needing our fixing and help constantly or taking a step to help them feel more confident and courageous and take ownership over their food or just some other aspect of their life. the content of this podcast is for informational and educational purposes only, and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you have any questions about your own medical experience or mental health needs, please consult a professional. I'm Dr. Amanda White house. Thanks for joining me. And until we chat again, remember don't feed the fear.
